Reality set in

Today that voice in my head has been going off. I have been fearful that I am going to miserably fail at this. I just cannot imagine being slim and free from the life long battle that has held me back. I am pushing through it and am going to continue to follow the program a day at the time. 

Had my official weigh in and measure today. Weighed in at 108Kgs

Also had to take my first round of photos in undies and a bra. Felt very confronted and uncomfortable with what I saw but also I know this is the beginning and I am hitting the reality head on. This is the reality of what I have become and I am ready to make a change.

I want to be fully self expressed in who I am and live my life fulfilling my dream to become a fitness instructor. 

So confronted at the fact my fitness study begins on the 3rd July. My voice is saying all sorts of negative things. When I hear it start with the negative talk I have been quick to shut it down and this time it is not going to win. 

Have I taken on too much too soon? how am I going to work full time, study part time, train 6 days per week, plan my meals and DJ on weekends. 

So with this in mind I took out my diary and one of our tasks was to plan out our week- and guess what I have found that I can actually make it all happen and fit it all in with discipline, focus and determination you can make anything happen. 

Working out is my most important part of the day. I will do the major part of food preparation on the weekend and do the main grocery shop on a saturday afternoon straight after what we call a Super Saturday Session which is our major workout day of the week.

Next week I am challenging myself to a double class- Body Combat followed by Pump.

Friday tomorrow and only one component to my fitness test to be completed the walking/running test. Ill do that tomorrow night at the gym after work.

Training saturday morning, followed by a massage and getting my hair done. need some pampering.

Kick off on Monday- so Sunday ill be cooking and preparing the weeks meals and making sure I am organised. think I'll fit a dance class in there too. ShaBam or Body Jam. I need to make sure Im organised as playing at Love Machine on sunday night and need to have my lunch packed and breakfast ready for monday, and dinner organised as I have body attack straight after work. 

Glad I know I can fit everything in- it puts me at ease. 

Can I just say- PRINCE touched my soul last night- far out I'm in love with him all over again! what a show! he was amazing. Blew me away! 

I LOVE YOU PRINCE

.......on that note I had better get some sleep. 

Night all.....

Hails xox

I am not a Victim.. I can do it.

This morning when the alarm went off I thought I couldn't get up. And then I decided to stop thinking and get in action. We are in what Michelle calls pre season and we complete her set tasks each week. I am getting as prepared as can be, I set myself the challenge this morning of Body Combat Class followed by a weight circuit. I was feeling empowered after starting this blog yesterday and publicly putting myself out there. One of our tasks set by Michelle was to share our commitment and what we are up for. I too know the power in this as enrolling people in your possibility enables it to become your reality. I remember I used to drive in my car with my favourite house tunes on and imagine the feeling of playing to a crowd one day- that feeling has stayed with me and I experience it each time I play. this has become my reality and I have been blessed to have achieved my dream. I shared my DJ goal with as many people as I could and it empowers you. I am applying this to my training and weight loss goals. Today at the gym, to my surprise there was an open day ( stalls & goodies for sale) and I started talking to this lady Dominique from WYN Training. I have now - wait for it- enrolled in my group fitness certificate III to enable me to become a group fitness instructor. I begin my part time study in July this year. WOOOO HOOOOOO! So I will be ready to rock & roll in 2013 running my own classes. - how exciting- it seems to all be falling into place. I will be able to study 2 nights a week at Bayside Fitness First as WYN training are running the course on site. also an extra bonus I am eligible for government funding on this course- AMAZING!!! 
I noticed the thoughts in my head- everyone in class is going to be lean and fit and I'm going to look fat and out of place- then I told it to politely to Shut the F*k up.....

Day was off to a great start, in the class today I thought of all the people whom had caused me pain over the years and I want to thank them because this fuelled a fire in me to work harder and I burnt a total 802 Calories today! awesome effort and I feel so empowered and free. I am not a victim and I am ready to take this challenge head on. Thankyou to everyone for the support you showed me yesterday, I felt you were all behind me pushing me along in my workout today... 

its only the beginning... 
I will write again on Wednesday- its official weigh in .. CANT WAIT!


 Love to all... Hails xx


PS. Check out the breakfast Vikki whipped up for me this morning- only 200 calories and sustained my hunger well... Thanks for that Vik I could get used to this... 

My new hot pink Nike cross trainers!! They will make me work harder for sure.... :) 

Pre season 12WBT 10 days to go till kick off...

I started gaining weight at the age of 5. I was a highly anxious child when I was young and began overeating at age 5. Eating soon became my addiction and my comfort. I used to eat till I was sick at times. 

I was a very active child, my Mum &  Dad encouraged me to do sports and i was a strong swimmer- I even used to compete. I also did karate, Jazz Ballet, Tap Dancing , Basketball and Netball.


My mum had me at the dietician from the age of 6 years old. I used to stick to the diet and then hide food in my room and eat secretly.


I remember being 7 had to wear a leotard and skirt for our concert & my mum was getting me ready and I cried to her saying I looked fat and I was embarrassed. 

I was active however I always overate and just kept gaining weight.  

By the time I was 13, I weighed 110kilos and was morbidly obese. I suffered high anxiety and quit all of my activity/sports.

I struggled through my teens and became stuck in a vicious cycle. I would get down, hide away, I always felt less of a person to everyone else. I was shut down, I had no voice, and hid behind being the joker. I always had amazing friends and only was ever picked on by strangers. I used to get yelled at in in the street and and one boy who shall remain nameless I will always remember him snorting at me when I rode my bike past. I became damaged and fearful of life. Fearful of being picked on and everyone was better than me- I thought I was worthless. These days I have put this torment behind me and I no longer think of the days when I had rocks thrown at me by the kids at the state primary school when I used to walk home from my school. 
It was tough and I used to cry to my mum and then comfort myself with food- this was the cycle. I became bigger as the years went by. 

I began drugs at the age of 18 to cover the pain . I would go out and party and then this was the only time when off my face would I feel fully self expressed. 

I joined the Landmark Forum at age 20 after being told by my good friend Jay about it. Little did I know this 3 day course was about to change my life forever and give me the tools I needed to move forward.

I went through some tough spaces over the 3 day weekend of the course. I realized why I was sabotaging myself and what the triggers were throughout my life and how I was acting my past out in my everyday life. Thus then becoming my future. 

I graduated on the Sunday night from the forum declaring..... "Who I am is the possibility of love and courage, the act I'm giving up is I cant and that is who I am!" It was the beginning to a brighter future.

On the Monday night  I stood up and spoke to over 300 people at the microphone and shared what I had found about myself and what I was now committed to for myself and my life. I wanted to loose weight, become a DJ and live my life powerfully.

The next day I called Fernwood and booked in with my new personal trainer Vikki Giddings. I also called DMC Records in Commercial Rd and booked into DJ school!! YAY!!

My first appointment with Vikki I was shy and so nervous. 

I asked her not to weigh me as I was so ashamed to deal with the reality that I had become. Vikki was fantastic she suggested we measure with a tape to see my progress. 

Vikki showed me compassion, understanding, encouragement,  she ultimately inspired me and supported me from day one. 

We started training and built up to 7 days a week. I started Body Combat and soon found this was my favorite group fitness class. Since then I have added to this Body Pump and Body Attack.

Vikki was aware of my desire to stop taking drugs and she supported me through this change. There were times when I felt so alone and scarred.

I kicked this habit and managed to loose 20kilos through training with Vikki. 

In 2004 2 weeks after my 21st Birthday, my adorable father was diagnosed with inoperable stage 4 cancer.  He battled with it for 11months and he passed away at age 53. I don's have many words to write here other than my heart was broken at this time in my life. 

I was lucky enough to spend my 22nd birthday with Dad in Cabrini Palliative Care hospital on the 21st August 2005. My dad passed away on the 2nd September. 

My weight at this point had gone up to 156kilos. 

One of the amazing gifts Dad gave me through his passing was my desire to be the best version of myself. I realised I only have one chance at this life and I needed to make a serious change. 

After having Yo Yo dieted throughout my life I began discussions with the centre for bariatric surgery &  booked in for a Lap Band procedure. 

I had this done 2 years later. I was so scarred and unsure about the challenges I was going to face daily living with the band. 

I managed to loose just over 20 kilos however I found that living with the band was quite challenging. I was often sick and couldn't keep food down. This was my own fault as I wanted it tight as in my mind I thought that starving myself would help me loose the weight quicker. 

NOT THE CASE. 

I have been living with this devise in me for 4 years. yes I have lost weight but by all means I have had to work out and focus on the little food that I can eat. Ensuring it is nutritious enough as portion sizes are very limited. 

oh and by the way Vikki and I ended up falling in love and we have been together nearly 8 years now!! We got together in 2005, February 13th to be exact. 

OK - so what is happening now- last weekend I participated in the World Guinness book of records for largest group fitness workout instructed by the one and only Michelle Bridges. Vikki has just completed round 1 of her 12WBT and I signed up for round 2. 

Today I went and had all of the fluid removed from my Lap Band!! YAY so I am able to 100% can eat the healthy nutritious meals on Michelle Bridges program. No more being sick for me!!!

Today I weighed in at 108.2 Kgs, my height is 170cms.

My commitment is to loose 30kgs. Book myself into become a qualified Les Mills Body Combat and Body Attack instructor in 2013. 

Thankyou to Vikki for loving me all the way, inspiring me to be the best version of myself and loving me for who I am... 

thankyou to Michelle- You are inspiring, powerful and we are doing this together

Thank you all for reading and supporting me on this transformation. I will regularly be posting progress photos, my thoughts, struggles & dare I say fears cos i know they will creep up on me at times.... wish me luck!

Much Love

Hayley