One day at the time- Week 8

So coming into week 8 of Round 2 2012, I have decided to start to collect a selection of before pics to remind myself how far I have already come. I am also going to use these as motivation as I am never going back. I am officially 50.2kilos down and I need to acknowledge my achievement and push on to put this battle to rest once and for all. 


Today I went into the gym and enjoyed my Combat class and then decided to test myself on the 1km fitness test. I have improved my time by 2.6minutes. I am so excited. I got home and said to Vik, "Hun lets book ourselves into some Fun Runs for the end of this year. I am looking forward to summer more than ever. I am pumped to be training and improving on my jogging in the spring/ summer this year. CANT WAIT!


The last 3 weeks have been a bit up and down. I have had a cold/flu which I was not able to train for 4 days due to fever so that was frustrating, and I felt stressed but had to let it go. The positive here was that I missed my training SO much! 


I think the best thing I have learnt on the 12WBT this round is my awareness around my eating and actually being conscious and concerned about what I fuel my body with.
I am for the first time in my life treating food as an energy source and nothing else. I am not using food to solve my problems. I am not using it as an emotional band-aide. I no longer eat if I am bored, or upset. I am free of that horrible cycle I would get myself stuck in. I feel in control and powerful. 
I can honestly say, my favourite part of the day is when I am training. I feel so much stronger and fitter already.


Thank you Vikki for showing me I can, and thank you Michelle for your inspiration, your amazing program and being who you are. 


I AM ON MY WAY- AND I AM NEVER GOING BACK!


much love........
Hayley x

2006

2007

                            

 

Vikki and I in Bali 2009- Lost already around 20-25 kilos.

 

2009

FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY

What a day, this morning I woke up filled with nerves. I was highly anxious about starting my Fitness Qualification. I had to be in Richmond at 9.30am.  I got myself ready left the house and stopped at a favourite cafe for a piccolo coffee on the way. 


I got to Brighton and quickly turned my car around. I was dis-empowered by fear. Fear of being judged and assessed when I walked into the class. I have been running a major story that everyone was going to be skinny and fit and I would be judged by all as if I were not good enough to be qualified in the Fitness Industry. 


Tears streaming down my face I quickly drove back to Bayside Fitness First and smashed out a Body Combat class. 
To my surprise a lady turned to speak to me and said I always see you in the class you remind me of my friend, I said oh really, nice ot meet you I am Hayley. Then another lady said I knew it was you, one of my clients from my social work job  was in the class- we had a great chat and she was very encouraging and helped me to see a few things for myself. 
Great class and so nice to speak to 2 lovely ladies. I went onto the treadmill to complete my fitness test for the end of week four- 12WBT- I was able to jog- YES- jog 1k and I beat my last Walking attempt by just under 2 minutes!
I felt pretty proud with knowing I have increased my fitness, I got into my car to see the missed calls from WYN Fitness. I called them and explained I was not ready, that I had a panic attack and turned the car around while on my way. He said, Hayley I want you here, its not too late, go home shower and get yourself ready the next class starts at 1pm.  He stood for me, said I will wait for you and walk you into the class. Ill even set you up a little table so you can sit at the back and wont have to disrupt anyone in the seating arrangement. 


WIth this conversation I felt relieved knowing he knows my history and understood what my fears were. 


I felt the fear and did it anyway! He met me out the front, we went through the paperwork and he walked me into the class and showed me my table at the back and I introduced myself to my class mates and our teacher. I found I was able to share my knowledge of diets and my past history was actually valuable to the class. 


Anything is possible! I will graduate on the 17th January 2013, The future excites me!


Right now Im exhausted and glad to be home to relax this evening with Vik & Wilson....
ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND ALL- 


Lots of love


H xx

I EXERCISE BECAUSE IT   IS PART OF WHO I AM

Week 2

12WBT- WEEK 2

Hi all- so here we are at week 2 and its weigh in day! wait for it...

WEIGHED IN TODAY AT 107.4Kgs! 

 Feeling good overall. I feel as though my body is recovering quicker from the training. I am so proud that I managed to do a double class last Saturday for my first attempt at a SSS ( Super Saturday Session). WOOOOOO! amazing feeling! Burnt 1065 Calories!! Body Combat followed by a freestyle Step Class.

Last night I had a lovely session with my natropath Sheryl, my body is feeling so much better for it today. I need to get myself some more Epsom salts and treating myself to a bath at least once a week. I feel very strong on the program and I have stuck to it 100%, I feel inspired and committed to what I am out to achieve and know where I am headed. I can see my first mini goal of 99kgs right in front of me- I'm almost in reach of it.

Ill keep this short and sweet, have a great hump day all!

Body Combat tonight and a Weights Circuit to follow.

Preparation is Key to success in this program- this isn't a diet, this is a lifestyle, and gym is a way of life.

PS. I jogged for the first time on Monday! another achievement! I was so excited to call vik and say hey honey I get it, you fall into a rhythm and hold your core strong and you just go for it... she said back to me- Honey listen to you, Well Done! "

Just so happy and love this way of life!

Get Up

Get Organised

Be Accountable

ONE DAY AT THE TIME!!!!!

12WBT DAY ONE....

Hi everyone- so today was kick off and I am off to a strong start.  Prepared food yesterday, it was a team effort from myself and Vikki however we have prepared a delicious pumpkin soup, made an oven bake chicken dish & Panang chicken curry. Ill have to remember to pop some photos up of some of these amazing low calorie recipes I am making... I promise I will do! 


I was not having the best of weekends the one just gone. I was feeling quite irritated and anxious. On sunday afternoon my back went into some kind of painful spasm and I wasn't able to do body attack tonight as it feels very tender and I don't want to do more damage. ( about 3 months ago I had a nasty back injury from a fall) So I've booked with my oesteo to have a back adjustment.
Thankfully Im feeling slightly better so skipping body attack tonight and stretching was the best option. I have body Pump tomorrow night and looking forward to that already. 
I's so true that it only takes a month to get into the swing of loving and needing your excercise. I crave it and that is half the battle won. 
Through the 12WBT pre-season I have been training 4 days per week and now Im more than ready to build that to 6 days and I already am beginning to feel the major benefits. I feel happier, I'm sleeping better, I am not as tired. 
I must admit I am going through alot of spaces, doubt, frustration,anger, scarred. 


I have a big challenge ahead of me, but its one day at the time, and if I keep going like I have today I will be alright and I know I will get there. This is going to to be the biggest test of my patience as I want to be there now. I want to be up there taking classes and inspiring others. If I can do this people, anyone can do anything they want. 
This is the challenge of my lifetime and I am committed to taking myself on. I have wondered how many people have read this and thought why is she doing this- the truth is the more you share, and enrol others in your possibility, you are then owning your commitment, and then it will become your reality. 
I am not ashamed anymore, I am scarred YES, hell yes I am scarred but I am pushing through the fear and not listening to that voice that likes to go off now and then. 
I am committed, I am doing this and I can feel what it will feel like when I am there. 
I drive my car playing my favourite combat / attack tracks and visualise when I am up there as a Les Mills instructor. That feeling is all I need to know. That feeling motivates me to make the right choice and to push myself harder when I train. 
I can do this and I love how empowered I feel for having shared with many people my deepest fears, my life long struggle with myself.


Thanks for showing me love & support, It means the world to me right now. 

Surrounding yourself with positive people whom influence and inspire you to be your personal best is so important and thankyou to everyone whom has shown me this in the last 4 weeks. I cant wait to give this back to others one day. I want to be there to help anyone who has struggled the way I have as a child, teenager and adult.  Its no way to live life- and Im going to help others. 


Love to all
H


PS. Im writing on here as I feel I need to really, perhaps I will do another quick post on weigh in day wednesday. 


Night x

Reality set in

Today that voice in my head has been going off. I have been fearful that I am going to miserably fail at this. I just cannot imagine being slim and free from the life long battle that has held me back. I am pushing through it and am going to continue to follow the program a day at the time. 

Had my official weigh in and measure today. Weighed in at 108Kgs

Also had to take my first round of photos in undies and a bra. Felt very confronted and uncomfortable with what I saw but also I know this is the beginning and I am hitting the reality head on. This is the reality of what I have become and I am ready to make a change.

I want to be fully self expressed in who I am and live my life fulfilling my dream to become a fitness instructor. 

So confronted at the fact my fitness study begins on the 3rd July. My voice is saying all sorts of negative things. When I hear it start with the negative talk I have been quick to shut it down and this time it is not going to win. 

Have I taken on too much too soon? how am I going to work full time, study part time, train 6 days per week, plan my meals and DJ on weekends. 

So with this in mind I took out my diary and one of our tasks was to plan out our week- and guess what I have found that I can actually make it all happen and fit it all in with discipline, focus and determination you can make anything happen. 

Working out is my most important part of the day. I will do the major part of food preparation on the weekend and do the main grocery shop on a saturday afternoon straight after what we call a Super Saturday Session which is our major workout day of the week.

Next week I am challenging myself to a double class- Body Combat followed by Pump.

Friday tomorrow and only one component to my fitness test to be completed the walking/running test. Ill do that tomorrow night at the gym after work.

Training saturday morning, followed by a massage and getting my hair done. need some pampering.

Kick off on Monday- so Sunday ill be cooking and preparing the weeks meals and making sure I am organised. think I'll fit a dance class in there too. ShaBam or Body Jam. I need to make sure Im organised as playing at Love Machine on sunday night and need to have my lunch packed and breakfast ready for monday, and dinner organised as I have body attack straight after work. 

Glad I know I can fit everything in- it puts me at ease. 

Can I just say- PRINCE touched my soul last night- far out I'm in love with him all over again! what a show! he was amazing. Blew me away! 

I LOVE YOU PRINCE

.......on that note I had better get some sleep. 

Night all.....

Hails xox

I am not a Victim.. I can do it.

This morning when the alarm went off I thought I couldn't get up. And then I decided to stop thinking and get in action. We are in what Michelle calls pre season and we complete her set tasks each week. I am getting as prepared as can be, I set myself the challenge this morning of Body Combat Class followed by a weight circuit. I was feeling empowered after starting this blog yesterday and publicly putting myself out there. One of our tasks set by Michelle was to share our commitment and what we are up for. I too know the power in this as enrolling people in your possibility enables it to become your reality. I remember I used to drive in my car with my favourite house tunes on and imagine the feeling of playing to a crowd one day- that feeling has stayed with me and I experience it each time I play. this has become my reality and I have been blessed to have achieved my dream. I shared my DJ goal with as many people as I could and it empowers you. I am applying this to my training and weight loss goals. Today at the gym, to my surprise there was an open day ( stalls & goodies for sale) and I started talking to this lady Dominique from WYN Training. I have now - wait for it- enrolled in my group fitness certificate III to enable me to become a group fitness instructor. I begin my part time study in July this year. WOOOO HOOOOOO! So I will be ready to rock & roll in 2013 running my own classes. - how exciting- it seems to all be falling into place. I will be able to study 2 nights a week at Bayside Fitness First as WYN training are running the course on site. also an extra bonus I am eligible for government funding on this course- AMAZING!!! 
I noticed the thoughts in my head- everyone in class is going to be lean and fit and I'm going to look fat and out of place- then I told it to politely to Shut the F*k up.....

Day was off to a great start, in the class today I thought of all the people whom had caused me pain over the years and I want to thank them because this fuelled a fire in me to work harder and I burnt a total 802 Calories today! awesome effort and I feel so empowered and free. I am not a victim and I am ready to take this challenge head on. Thankyou to everyone for the support you showed me yesterday, I felt you were all behind me pushing me along in my workout today... 

its only the beginning... 
I will write again on Wednesday- its official weigh in .. CANT WAIT!


 Love to all... Hails xx


PS. Check out the breakfast Vikki whipped up for me this morning- only 200 calories and sustained my hunger well... Thanks for that Vik I could get used to this... 

My new hot pink Nike cross trainers!! They will make me work harder for sure.... :) 

Pre season 12WBT 10 days to go till kick off...

I started gaining weight at the age of 5. I was a highly anxious child when I was young and began overeating at age 5. Eating soon became my addiction and my comfort. I used to eat till I was sick at times. 

I was a very active child, my Mum &  Dad encouraged me to do sports and i was a strong swimmer- I even used to compete. I also did karate, Jazz Ballet, Tap Dancing , Basketball and Netball.


My mum had me at the dietician from the age of 6 years old. I used to stick to the diet and then hide food in my room and eat secretly.


I remember being 7 had to wear a leotard and skirt for our concert & my mum was getting me ready and I cried to her saying I looked fat and I was embarrassed. 

I was active however I always overate and just kept gaining weight.  

By the time I was 13, I weighed 110kilos and was morbidly obese. I suffered high anxiety and quit all of my activity/sports.

I struggled through my teens and became stuck in a vicious cycle. I would get down, hide away, I always felt less of a person to everyone else. I was shut down, I had no voice, and hid behind being the joker. I always had amazing friends and only was ever picked on by strangers. I used to get yelled at in in the street and and one boy who shall remain nameless I will always remember him snorting at me when I rode my bike past. I became damaged and fearful of life. Fearful of being picked on and everyone was better than me- I thought I was worthless. These days I have put this torment behind me and I no longer think of the days when I had rocks thrown at me by the kids at the state primary school when I used to walk home from my school. 
It was tough and I used to cry to my mum and then comfort myself with food- this was the cycle. I became bigger as the years went by. 

I began drugs at the age of 18 to cover the pain . I would go out and party and then this was the only time when off my face would I feel fully self expressed. 

I joined the Landmark Forum at age 20 after being told by my good friend Jay about it. Little did I know this 3 day course was about to change my life forever and give me the tools I needed to move forward.

I went through some tough spaces over the 3 day weekend of the course. I realized why I was sabotaging myself and what the triggers were throughout my life and how I was acting my past out in my everyday life. Thus then becoming my future. 

I graduated on the Sunday night from the forum declaring..... "Who I am is the possibility of love and courage, the act I'm giving up is I cant and that is who I am!" It was the beginning to a brighter future.

On the Monday night  I stood up and spoke to over 300 people at the microphone and shared what I had found about myself and what I was now committed to for myself and my life. I wanted to loose weight, become a DJ and live my life powerfully.

The next day I called Fernwood and booked in with my new personal trainer Vikki Giddings. I also called DMC Records in Commercial Rd and booked into DJ school!! YAY!!

My first appointment with Vikki I was shy and so nervous. 

I asked her not to weigh me as I was so ashamed to deal with the reality that I had become. Vikki was fantastic she suggested we measure with a tape to see my progress. 

Vikki showed me compassion, understanding, encouragement,  she ultimately inspired me and supported me from day one. 

We started training and built up to 7 days a week. I started Body Combat and soon found this was my favorite group fitness class. Since then I have added to this Body Pump and Body Attack.

Vikki was aware of my desire to stop taking drugs and she supported me through this change. There were times when I felt so alone and scarred.

I kicked this habit and managed to loose 20kilos through training with Vikki. 

In 2004 2 weeks after my 21st Birthday, my adorable father was diagnosed with inoperable stage 4 cancer.  He battled with it for 11months and he passed away at age 53. I don's have many words to write here other than my heart was broken at this time in my life. 

I was lucky enough to spend my 22nd birthday with Dad in Cabrini Palliative Care hospital on the 21st August 2005. My dad passed away on the 2nd September. 

My weight at this point had gone up to 156kilos. 

One of the amazing gifts Dad gave me through his passing was my desire to be the best version of myself. I realised I only have one chance at this life and I needed to make a serious change. 

After having Yo Yo dieted throughout my life I began discussions with the centre for bariatric surgery &  booked in for a Lap Band procedure. 

I had this done 2 years later. I was so scarred and unsure about the challenges I was going to face daily living with the band. 

I managed to loose just over 20 kilos however I found that living with the band was quite challenging. I was often sick and couldn't keep food down. This was my own fault as I wanted it tight as in my mind I thought that starving myself would help me loose the weight quicker. 

NOT THE CASE. 

I have been living with this devise in me for 4 years. yes I have lost weight but by all means I have had to work out and focus on the little food that I can eat. Ensuring it is nutritious enough as portion sizes are very limited. 

oh and by the way Vikki and I ended up falling in love and we have been together nearly 8 years now!! We got together in 2005, February 13th to be exact. 

OK - so what is happening now- last weekend I participated in the World Guinness book of records for largest group fitness workout instructed by the one and only Michelle Bridges. Vikki has just completed round 1 of her 12WBT and I signed up for round 2. 

Today I went and had all of the fluid removed from my Lap Band!! YAY so I am able to 100% can eat the healthy nutritious meals on Michelle Bridges program. No more being sick for me!!!

Today I weighed in at 108.2 Kgs, my height is 170cms.

My commitment is to loose 30kgs. Book myself into become a qualified Les Mills Body Combat and Body Attack instructor in 2013. 

Thankyou to Vikki for loving me all the way, inspiring me to be the best version of myself and loving me for who I am... 

thankyou to Michelle- You are inspiring, powerful and we are doing this together

Thank you all for reading and supporting me on this transformation. I will regularly be posting progress photos, my thoughts, struggles & dare I say fears cos i know they will creep up on me at times.... wish me luck!

Much Love

Hayley